The 2012 blog that almost wasn’t

I had “resolved” to not write a traditional New Years blog this year because quite frankly, I didn’t see the point. And really, there still may not be a point. The truth is that I’m pretty busy right now and was feeling like a self-reflective post during the most obvious time of year wasn’t necessary.

But I’m the type that enjoys and needs to look back and see where I could have done better but also let myself “admit” where I triumphed.

A look back

We have gone through a lot in 2011. It’s been a year of healing, of growth and discovery. In my 2011 New Year’s blog post, I decided I wasn’t going to make specific resolutions but that I was going to try to be open to where God was leading me and to grow in some relationships and heal others.

Where I failed was in developing a preconceived idea of what that would look like. Everything from my job situation to relationships are not where I thought I would be. I got fired from one job in February 2011 and was hired at a much better, much more … skills-appropriate job a couple of months later. Instead of “fixing” some of my relationships, God showed me that there are times when it’s OK to walk away, even for a little while until it’s healthy to be in that relationship again.

I’m still working on the whole identity thing and I’m slowly, sorta, kinda learning that learning who you are and being that person is a life-long process. Maybe some day I will be OK with that fact!

A look forward

As I look forward to 2012, I’m both excited and exhausted. I feel like 2011 took so much out of me emotionally and physically, that I don’t know how much I can give in 2012. There are a lot of personal realizations that I’ve had to come to terms with…realizations I still don’t care to make public.

That said, I have high hopes for 2012.

• I look forward to turning the house we purchased in the final days of 2011 into a home. In lieu of that, I look forward to hopefully adopting our first dog and making our family of furrbabies more complete.

  

• I look forward to learning and developing more skills in my job at The Belford Group. I look forward to really examining my efforts in my own part-time business, Jamie’s Notebook  and deciding what direction will be the most beneficial and appropriate for both me and my clients.
• I look forward to finally really pursuing several personal projects that had to be put to the wayside in the last three years when my life got turned upside down. This includes starting my book projects and growing my blog (more coming soon on both of these fronts, by the way).

• 

  I look forward to building and strengthening an already happy, healthy marriage to an amazing man. He’s truly been the rock and glue that has been my God-given steadier and “hold it together” person in the last three years of what feels like constant upheaval. I firmly believe God gave us to each other at the perfect time for a perfect purpose.

• I want to say that I look forward to growing closer to God but as I type that, I realize I’m not really sure what that means. I thought I had the old ideas of religion vs. faith out of my head (and my heart), but if that were true I wouldn’t struggle. I think where I struggle the most is feeling like I have to be at the top of my spiritual game all the time. After all, God never fails us so why should we fail him? The answer is, we are human. I think I’m still learning that.

All of these are pretty vague, I realize. But what I’m learning is to not put God into a box… to not put myself into a box.