Thursday September 1, 2005

I have to decide today and as of last night, I still had no answers on which to base my decision. To clarify, I’m having to decide if I should sign up for insurance now with the new company. The attorney still hasn’t said whether my current company has to offer me COBRA. If I don’t sign up with the new insurance and don’t have COBRA, I will have a huge (18month) time of pre-existing conditions clause. That means that nothing in regards to my Graves Disease would be covered, including my monthly blood tests. I am not sure about my thyroid medicine.

I don’t know if it is determination or a really good response to my new anti-depressant, but I’m actually holding it together pretty well. I still cry some but it’s just venting that goes away soon. But for the most part I’ve been able to be more pragmatic about this situation and allow my natural determination to shine through and not be a nutcase. I dunno, maybe nutcase behavior would get better results, LOL. Just kidding, I know this way is healthier. I am just refusing to let this beat me. I’ve worked too hard to get this going to back off now because I’m upset. While I could really do without the countless obstacles that I’ve endured through this process, I’m choosing to see them as something that is proving to myself that I really want this.

I keep thinking about objections that I had to having this surgery a year ago and while I don’t regret taking this long to accept having the surgery, I am amazed at how those problems that I had before just don’t bother me now. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s going to be very hard after the surgery and that there are going to be times when I all want is a Chinese food buffet extravaganza. Or I’ll be craving pop. But giving those things up in the grand scheme of things are not as big of a deal as what I hope to regain.

I’ll probably update this throughout the day on Thursday but I’m just hoping for good news. Actually, I don’t want to have to COBRA. I want my current insurance company to finish negotiations and I want the surgery this month.

Hoping for the best,

Jamie

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