Friday April 7, 2006

When I started on this process, I told myself I wouldn’t change who I was. I would just be less fat and therefore able to get around a lot easier. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t that I thought I was perfect, far from it. I just didn’t want to not recognize who I was. I truly was content with my life, just not happy. There’s a huge difference.

I still struggle with the idea of how I’m changing but so far I think it’s been for the good. The idea of changing doesn’t freak me out as much anymore because I understand it better. I was so afraid I wouldn’t recognize myself … even the good parts… if I changed too much. I was afraid of no longer being me, of being Jamie. This fear extends to my looks. I never want to hear “you look like a completely different person”, even though I know it will be true. I will eventually get down to my high school weight but logic says that someone who by that time will be 30 years old can’t look how she did when she was 18.

I’ve come to realize that we all change and as long as I stay true to myself, I will never lose who I am. I will always be Jamie. I may not always be recognized, then again those who knew me as a child and don’t recognize the fat me may all the sudden realize who I am.

I think changing is just part of the journey–and part of being who we are.

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