Friday July 21, 2006

Reposted from my MySpace blog:

Some of you apparently read my post of a few days about reverting back to old habits and it may have shocked or embarrassed you. To those who gave me space, thank you. To those who gave me advice when I asked for it, thank you. I’m in a MUCH better place emotionally now and once I had the chance to stop panicking and survey my situation, I was able to see that it was headed in the wrong direction but I wasn’t in quite a bad of a position as I FELT that I was in when I wrote the previous post.

I still have a problem with eating out of emotional stress but I’ve worked on the carbs and that has improved. I am also working on dealing with the emotional issues that lead me to eat. Part of that involves counseling, part of that is realizing that I truly do need a different job. I feel like my attitude there is so negative now that I’m bringing down my co-workers. That’s not fair and the environment is driving me nuts.

I realize the discussion of sexuality may have been the most shocking for some and I’m choosing to not comment on that much. That area is more where I feel I was headed back down the wrong road but I wasn’t in the middle of the wrong path, if that makes sense. The outcome this time is a much healthier, adult way of handling life and for the most part I’m satisfied with my progress in this area.

I truly believe the main reason I panicked so bad is twofold. A) I truly was heading down the wrong path and B) I was so scared and am still so scared that the decisions and changes I’m making in my life aren’t good or the good decisions/changes won’t stick. I’ve tried to make these changes so many times in my life and failed, only to make my life worse. I vowed a year ago that I would never get that rock bottom again and I’m scared that I will break that promise.

Somehow, this time feels different.

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