Monday August 27, 2007

I’ve been asked how everything is going since I haven’t posted here in more than two months. Well, this repost from my most recent MySpace blog kind of updates everyone and shares some thoughts I’ve been facing. I will have a GBS-related blog to post hopefully in a few days.

Here ya go:

Men are stereotyped for not being ones to ask for directions. Well I, as a woman, have no problem asking for directions. Sometimes I have a hard time following them, or at least following them to completion.

I can’t help but think this is a big reason why this career change has not happened for me how I thought it would. I know it’s not the only reason, but I think it’s probably part of it.

See, I have felt from the very beginning that changing my career to teaching was the direction God was telling me to go. I kept praying about it and since this was at the beginning of me turning my life back to God, I kept trying to figure out how I would know his will. So I just told him to please make things work out with this thing if it was his will. I prayed that way for every step … including getting into the necessary college classes, to getting into the testing programs, PASSING the tests, getting into the program in Fayetteville, etc. I felt like if God had opened all these impossible doors then he would see me through to getting a teaching job.

So this week, as I continue in my old job and watch other people in the classroom, which is where I want to be. I’m happy for those in my program who got jobs, but I can’t help but ask God why in the world he would bring me this far then not intend for me to get a job.

Well I am starting to realize that as this job hunt started, I’ve gotten so busy that I haven’t been taking time for God. This includes asking his direction and guidance in getting a teaching job. It hasn’t been a conscious decision, I’ve just not made my relationship with God a priority so it’s slipped through the cracks. And I’m really starting to be able to tell a difference.

I’m not saying I think that God led me astray or abandoned me since I stopped asking his will. In fact it was quite the opposite. God is still right there, waiting for me to return to him. It’s like when you’re following someone in a car and they are giving you directions on their cell phone as you go. You follow their directions to a a T then you decide “Oh, I know how to get there. It’s OK.” And you go on your own merry way, even though you’ve never been to your desired destination before. You of course get lost or you take longer to get there than you would have than if you had just kept with the person providing directions.

I still believe that this is the direction that I’m being told to go, I just don’t know the next step. I’ve started trying to get back into the God thing and it’s hard. I’m not sure what’s holding me back. But I’m working on it.

Another big part of this is I believe God might be saying “not right now.” I still don’t know WHY it’s not right now, but I have to realize that is part of what is going on right now.

All this waiting on God thing takes patience and it’s hard. I do know though that when I do things God’s way, it’s always worked out so far to be the best thing for my life.

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