Sunday October 30, 2005

I try to rarely vent here because I don’t want people to worry and I’m also not the type to share all my problems because I don’t like to complain. But at the same time, I want people to have an accurate picture of what life with this surgery is like. It isn’t just fine and dandy and the weight doesn’t magically fall off.

Everything I’m struggling with right now is completely normal and not something for friends and family to get upset about. But I will be honest and admit that I’m struggling. The biggest thing right now is food and water. I am having trouble finding food that I can not be grossed out by but that doesn’t hurt or make me sick. I can do eggs, cottage cheese, beef jerky, cheese sticks but so far have gotten sick on both kinds of fish I’ve tried. I want to try chicken but I’m a little scared if fish made me sick.

The other thing is water. I’m supposed to have a certain amount in a day but between the fact that drinking still really hurts and the fact that I can’t drink 30 minutes before, during or after meals, it is still nearly impossible to get all the water in. I’m doing much better today in that I’ve been up for only 2-3 hours and had nearly half of what I’m supposed to have.

Another major after effect of the surgery is almost constant weariness and being on an emotional roller coaster. Both of these effects feed each other to make each a bit stronger. Again, it’s totally normal — just very frustrating as you’re living through it. The emotion stuff comes from two basic sources. For one, my body is still healing. It went through a major, major trauma and it will take at least a couple of months still before I feel the least bit normal. The biggest source is the estrogen that is being dumped into my body. Fat tissue stores several hormones, including a large amount of estrogen. As the fat starts to go away, the estrogen is released into the system making the person a PMS mess…all the time. Guys also go through this but for them, they usually get cranky all the time instead of wanting to cry all the time like most women want to do after they have had this surgery.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew all of this was going to happen–I fully expected it. I have no regrets about the surgery, it’s just still rough to go through.

Jamie