Friday August 26, 2005

My therapist finally got around to faxing the MMPI results to the surgeon so we will see what happens with the insurance.

I found out Thursday that I have to enroll in the new insurance starting next week even though it doesn’t take effect until Oct.1. I have to decide if I’m going to COBRA (like I have the money to do that). I don’t have the money but I can’t afford not to. I realized today that since the new insurance only covers obesity-related follow up care up to $1,000, that means that they won’t pay for doctor visits to follow up on my surgery visits. My surgeon costs $300 each time. I have no idea what is going to happen with that.

I keep thinking lately that maybe all these continuous obstacles are telling me not to have this surgery done. Then I realize that’s a load of crap. I need this surgery. I can’t exercise, I don’t have thyroid function. At the risk of sounding dramatic, I truly believe I will be dead in less than 10 years if I do not have this surgery.

I’m choosing to see this surgery as a test of how willing I am to work for what I want. Perhaps I can use this later to remember on my own how much I had to put into making this lifestyle change and eating food as a comfort or whatever won’t be worth it.

That is one thing though that I don’t want “help” with after the surgery. I can just hear some people making comments about something I may eat and think they are being helpful. It isn’t helpful! It is up to me to figure out what I can and can’t eat after the surgery. I’m the one who decided to have my guts rearranged, all of the decisions should be up to me. Sorry, I’m ranting.

Well, I’m going to try and get some sleep. I took a much-needed two hour nap tonight on accident but I’m already tired again. I should probably note that my blog time is messed up and I don’t feel like fixing it. It is an hour fast.


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