Wednesday November 29, 2006

One of those cheesy NBC “The More You Know” commercials has an interesting — and true– message. How people see us and treat us soon becomes how we see and treat ourselves. I fully believe that we teach people how to treat us but it’s a vicious cycle. If people treat us a certain way we start to see ourselves through their eyes.

This weekend I had a refreshing change in my life that I’ve noticed before but this weekend made it hit full force.

As many of you know I started putting on the weight when I went away to college. It didnt stop there. By the time I had my surgery I needed to lose more than 200 pounds. Every time I would come home to Wichita I knew to expect the shocked looks on everyone’s faces. It hurt so much. So did the concerned comments. I used to dread the first moments that I’d see anyone, including family. Everyone was so shocked at how much weight I had gained between each visit. It got to where I basically quit making trips home. For one thing it was too hard to get around my parents’ home. But the big reason was I couldn’t stand the looks I would get from everyone.

Well as I’ve started to lose the weight the looks of shock are still there. But they are shocked looks of awe and admiration. I truly look a lot healthier and I know people are happy for me. While I still resent being treated better just because of the weightloss sometimes, I love seeing the happy and welcoming looks on the faces of people who love me fat or normal.

This last weekend I saw some people I haven’t seen in like 8 years. I saw an old church secretary, my pediatrician and his wife, many family friends and the best of all….some kids I used to babysit. This family was my life in junior high and high school. In many ways their sons saved me because they loved me unconditionally and loved having me over. Those little ones are now about to finish high school and they are fine, upstanding young men. I had a small hand in that. I told them I know they dont remember me but they were important to me. They told me they did know who I was and I was so honored. One of them said “well of course we do, you were such a big part of our lives.”

This weekend gave me the reprieve from life and the affirmation that I am loved that I desperately needed.

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