A few months ago, I announced that I would be focusing on a single word for an entire year and how that word plays a role in my life. I’ve been kind of (read: really) slack in blogging and doing the projects for my word. It’s not because I haven’t thought about it, it’s just the outer processing that has taken a back seat.
As a recap, my word is “Enough” and I chose this word because one of the many lies that we as women are led to and choose to believe is that we aren’t “enough.” The simple word enough seems to indicate meeting the bare minimum and I wanted to fight that as well. In reality, being enough means that you meet the need. That you fulfill your role. Doing anything more or less than that is not good.
Today I wanted to return to some of those thoughts about Enough and catch readers up on what I’ve been thinking about in the last few months. This will be a two-blog section because I never blogged about enough in March and now April is almost done.
Choosing sanity when it doesn’t choose me
When considering the idea of “enough,” I’ve found that sometimes it means saying “enough is enough.” My focus for this topic is learning to realize that you’ve had enough and that it’s OK to step back and even quit. It’s about setting boundaries and recognizing when those boundaries are threatened. It’s about setting boundaries for how others are allowed to treat you but also in how you treat yourself. Trust me, that last one can be harder than the first.
I’ve been in many situations where I knew I wasn’t happy, wasn’t being treated well or was even in potential harm’s way yet I stayed. I stayed because I thought I had no choice. I stayed because I was scared. I stayed because I felt it would be disloyal to leave. I stayed because I usually believe that we “teach people how to treat us” so I was desperately trying to figure out what I was doing to let them think they could act that way towards me. I stayed because I thought I could change their mind if I showed how strong and valuable I was. I stayed because I thought that if I left the situation, I would be seen as too sensitive and worse, that those naysayers would be right.
Whatever my reason, excuse or fear…I stayed. This has included friendships, work situations and in general relationships with others.
What I’m learning:
- There is always a choice, I choose sanity.
- Fear is OK but not when it keeps you in a less than sane and safe situation. I choose sanity over fear.
- Loyalty is only well-placed when it is deserved. Being loyal to one’s self and sanity doesn’t necessarily equate selfishness. Being loyal to someone or something that is hurting you or otherwise does not have your best interest at heart is insane. I choose being loyal to sanity.
- We do teach people how to treat us and by staying, I was teaching them that their behavior was OK. I choose being treated like a sane, valuable human being and a child of God.
- When we stay in a bad situation in an attempt to change someone’s mind of our value, 99 times out of a 100 they will in fact be able to change our minds, not the other way around. I choose to realize that if someone doesn’t see my innate value as a human being, then their opinion is not worth changing. I choose sanity by not arguing with them.
- Staying because you don’t want to be deemed as “too sensitive” is other people’s way of controlling emotions, whether they realize it or not. No human being on earth has the right to do that. I am strong enough to tolerate erratic behavior. I’m also strong enough, sane enough and self-respecting enough to realize that just because I can tolerate it does not mean that I have to do so.
I encourage you, my dear friends and readers, to look into your own life. Where do you need to say enough is enough? Where do you need personal sanity? Please share your thoughts on the comments!